Best plan ever
So when Kitty Harris loses her seat in Congress what will we all do for fun?
ADiz and I have come up with the perfect plan. She should be made an ambassador. To Canada (we don't want yer David Wilkins!). So she can be IN CANADA. With us. Well, in Ottawa. So in the same country. And the CBC can cover all the fun that will ensue (which would be awesome, because they only run really unflattering pictures and our dearest Kitty, as the WaPo tells us, is very image conscious. I was going to say insanely image conscious, but I think the insane may just be implied when talking about her.). So she would still be in the news, she would doubtlessly be pissing off an already shaky ally, and she could date Peter "where my bitches at?" McKay. If Just In Florida Katherine Harris is so much fun, what will International Katherine Harris be like? Photo ops at the Giant Nickle! at Peggy's Cove in a sou'wester! sipping coffee and ignoring pasteries in Montreal! on a B.C. beach! reading with immigrant schoolchildren in inner-city Toronto! at the Calgary Stampede in boots, chaps, and a hat!
So, as personal favors:
This is what happens when ex-pat American political brats and journalists get together to figure out what would make the world a better place. But seriously, Kitty, if you are at loose ends after the election, come stay with us. We will make you fat-free carrot cake and bad-mouth your staff with you. You can plot your return to power from our lovely student dump in historicalicious Halifax, NS ("We're a port city too! Just like New York!"). We can go to Martini Mondays at the Fireside together. Our treat.
ADiz and I have come up with the perfect plan. She should be made an ambassador. To Canada (we don't want yer David Wilkins!). So she can be IN CANADA. With us. Well, in Ottawa. So in the same country. And the CBC can cover all the fun that will ensue (which would be awesome, because they only run really unflattering pictures and our dearest Kitty, as the WaPo tells us, is very image conscious. I was going to say insanely image conscious, but I think the insane may just be implied when talking about her.). So she would still be in the news, she would doubtlessly be pissing off an already shaky ally, and she could date Peter "where my bitches at?" McKay. If Just In Florida Katherine Harris is so much fun, what will International Katherine Harris be like? Photo ops at the Giant Nickle! at Peggy's Cove in a sou'wester! sipping coffee and ignoring pasteries in Montreal! on a B.C. beach! reading with immigrant schoolchildren in inner-city Toronto! at the Calgary Stampede in boots, chaps, and a hat!
So, as personal favors:
- David Wilkins, please quit being an ambassador. You can become a televangelist- since "fiscal and social conservative" from "South Carolina" means revivalist nutjob, right? Jesus wants you to fundraise for him and not just for the GOP.
- Bush- Kitty Harris for Canada would actually be a (relatively) good decision on your part. Plus, Rumsfeld told me it was a good idea. And she did get that wacky voting machine thing sorted for you. Don't be an ingrate.
- Kitty, take losing gracefully. We want you more than Florida does, anyway. Fuck them haters. And you will look so cute in little fitted snowgear with little tasselled hats and eensy teensy mittens!
This is what happens when ex-pat American political brats and journalists get together to figure out what would make the world a better place. But seriously, Kitty, if you are at loose ends after the election, come stay with us. We will make you fat-free carrot cake and bad-mouth your staff with you. You can plot your return to power from our lovely student dump in historicalicious Halifax, NS ("We're a port city too! Just like New York!"). We can go to Martini Mondays at the Fireside together. Our treat.
posted by J at 9:02 AM
4 Comments:
I keep feeling like my compusive viewing of The West Wing will give me a better understanding of your ancestral homeland and the weirdness of its politics, but then I keep getting distracted by fantasies about Emily Procter and realise afterward that I don't understand anything new except how southern accents can be awfully compelling and seductive when paired with enormous brown eyes.
Develop a drawl for me, would you, dear?
Alright, apparently Season 4 of The West Wing has no Emily Procter AT ALL, but it does have an election. Maybe the lack of fantasy fodder will finally make me understand about electoral colleges.
Can I explain the electoral collage to you in a drawl? I'll need a fifth of Jack Daniels, a whiteboard, 3 different-colored markers, and a box of tissues for when I start crying about states' rights.
You can have coloured markers if you agree to explain politics to me in Canadian English, you hussy!
I do know how the electoral college works (after it was explained to me by, well, another American who was weepy about states' rights) but I like playing the gormless Canadian so that you will not suspect me in the instance of insurrection.
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